


he can't see the smile I'm faking

by mosaic_broken_hearts



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Robert and Aaron are broken up but dw there's no explanation why, aaron has a bf but he's dull af, but also bc canon sucks, but it's where robron meet so it's redeemable, he's more of a plot device than certain characters on the show, it's a bad shop alright, mostly bc I'm lazy and uncreative, slight negativity towards marks and spencers, these tags are probably longer than the story lbr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 09:17:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11145456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosaic_broken_hearts/pseuds/mosaic_broken_hearts
Summary: "Because nothing quite says overcompensating like randomly asking your boyfriend -who you've been ignoring in favour of looking at the fit waiter all night- to move in with you."Or the one where Aaron moves in with his boyfriend, but he's still hung up on Robert.





	he can't see the smile I'm faking

**Author's Note:**

> My first published fic in years so be kind please!

Aaron lived in a decent sized flat, he always thought. It was old-fashioned, rustic, exactly the change he needed after moving to Coventry 5 years prior. At one point he'd hoped to buy his own house, but with Liv staying away in France with Gabby, there was little point in upgrading; besides, he was happy there, it was peaceful and homely.

The peace, however, was shortly to change. Jake, his boyfriend, was moving in with him.

He'd met Jake at a bar 3 years before, his local. Jake had been all laid back and cheery, a stranger just moved into the area. Aaron had spilled his drink all over him, and after offering him a shirt back at his place, an unlikely friendship soon formed. It took them 6 months and a lot of encouragement from Adam for them to get their act together, and since then they'd been inseparable. Chas loved Jake, saw him as the perfect man; were he not gay she'd have snapped him up herself. Aaron had told Jake everything, and he was brilliant with it- was happy to take things slow, if Aaron needed space he would never crowd him, he would take him somewhere quiet if he was struggling, just the two of them and tell him he loved him.

He was everything Aaron needed, after... after him. Aaron loved feeling safe and content and like he knew exactly what was around the corner, not having to keep looking over his shoulder for the next storm. With Jake, he always knew where he stood. He was like a devoted puppy, and Aaron cared about him deeply.

The doorbell rang.

"Hello my gorgeous boyfriend!!! Are you ready for me? And not just in that way, you perv!" Jake winked.

Aaron laughed.

"Shut up and get in already, not like I've got all day or anything".

They shared a kiss, one filled with love and tenderness. Jake whispered "I love you" into Aaron's ear.

The lump in Aaron's throat was no longer one of love.

-

It wasn't as though Jake wasn't great for Aaron, because he was, he was the best. Maybe that was the problem- he was too good, too perfect. Once upon a time Victoria Sugden had said to him that he would never be able to settle for someone boring; for Sunday night boxsets and a chinese, and deep down, Aaron knew she had been right.

He missed the volatility, the spice of... previous relationships. He missed being reckless, he missed never being able to predict what would happen next- it got tiresome but it was the kind of life Aaron had always been destined to live. He thrived on danger, excitement, the thrill. Jake was brilliant and looked after him and at first he'd been enthralled, he was the perfect antidote; Aaron thought he could easily love Jake. They had a common love of cars, and being a supermarket manager, there was no ego to him, which had been refreshing.

For over a year it had been smooth-sailing, Aaron had been swept up by Jake and how he healed the hole in his heart left by... him. It was only in the last 6 months the blinkers had come off and he realised he wasn't in love with Jake, he just appreciated his company and the love Jake had for him. It wasn't passionate, it wasn't all-consuming, it didn't drive him to the edge, it was quiet, stale, and more and more, Aaron had been making comparisons to... the past.

His eye had begun wandering, not that he was ever going to find what he was looking for (Aaron knew exactly what he was looking for and he was on some beach in France, probably hooking up with bikini models on a daily basis and spending all his money; besides Aaron swore he would never go there again, he was to be forgotten- he had caused too much pain). One night over dinner, in a fancy restaurant- it was their 21 month anniversary, Jake was very particular about remembering important dates- Aaron realised he needed to start trying, because he owed Jake everything, or break up with him for good. So naturally, he asked Jake to move in with him, because nothing quite says overcompensating like randomly asking your boyfriend -who you've been ignoring in favour of looking at the fit waiter all night- to move in with you.

-

Aaron and Jake were on his sofa- their sofa, he had to remind himself, it was their sofa now- when Jake casually brought up that he'd invited a few friends for a housewarming party later that night.

Aaron internally sighed- on the one hand, he would have to deal with Jake's 'fun' friends and act the perfect host, but on the other hand, it would be more exciting than sitting inside for a quiet night in, making small talk with Jake and sitting through yet more reruns of The Big Bang Theory.

"You wouldn't mind nipping out and getting some party stuff would you? Nothing too posh or owt but nice, y'know, those M & S sausage rolls, a couple of bottles of rosé, some tuna and mayonnaise for sandwiches, couple of paper plates, a banner maybe?"

"Right, and are you gonna write me a list or let me decide for myself?"

Jake blushed.

"I'll... I'll let you decide what you want to get, sorry; unless you want me to go?"

Aaron contemplated whether to just let Jake go, but ultimately decided some fresh air would do some good (and if he was to stop for a pint on his way back, then nobody had to know).

"Nah, you're alright mate, wouldn't want you out of pocket now would we?"

"Of course not, I'll be dipping my hand in enough from now on won't I?"

"Sure, sure. You won't be saying that in a month when the rent's due now will you?"

Jake smiled sincerely.

"You know I will be, babe. Now off you go, don't be spending too much!"

Aaron grimaced. He hated being called babe, but never had the heart to bring it up with Jake.

Aaron gave Jake a quick peck on the cheek- because they were that couple- and exchanged I love yous, and then Aaron was on his way.

-

These bloody sausage rolls were a pain in the arse to find. Aaron had been down all the aisles several times, but he'd not found them. Trust Marks and Spencers to change the layout of their poncy shop every five minutes.

He was irritated. Really irritated. This had never been the life he imagined, spending an hour searching for gourmet sausage rolls with fucking blue cheese in them while his boyfriend lounged at home. He was turning into one of those boring housewives. It had never been like this with... with him.

It didn't help that some arsehole with a big fuckin trolley was lording it around the place, leaving no room for anyone to get past.

"Oi, can you move ya twat?"

The arsehole turned around.

"And who are you to..." he stopped short.

It was as if time had stopped, and the whole world had fallen away. It was... him. It was Robert, after all this time he was there, right in front of Aaron. Every thought, every memory he'd pushed to the back of his mind came flooding back; every fight, yelling to each other at 2am, slamming doors, running away from each other, every passionate kiss, every picnic, every date, every surprise, all the unpredictable moments, the car crashes- literal and metaphorical- the moments where all they needed was each other, every way Robert had saved him, every night with him, every time he felt like he couldn't breathe because he loved Robert so much; and he forgot why he'd ever let Robert go, why things had ever ended.

Robert looked good, he looked really good. He was all tanned, probably just back from some foreign country, and his hair was growing out. He was in a pretentious suit as he always was, and his heart stopped as he realised it was one Aaron had got him for Christmas, their first Christmas in the mill- he had kept it all this time.

"Robert", he let out a breath, not even aware he'd said it.

Robert's entire face lit up; even after all this time, Aaron still took his breath away, he was still smitten.

"Aaron, I..."

"Erm, we should probably move, mate, we're kinda getting in the way of the shop".

"Yeah", Robert blinked, "yeah of course".

"So, how have you been? You look good." Robert looked flustered, completely caught off guard and blown away by the man before him.

"Not too bad, mate. Erm, what about you? Last I heard you were in the south of France, not that... not that I was asking about you or anything, you know what Vic's like, she tells me everything whether I like it or not, not that, not that I didn't like hearing, it was nice to hear you were doing well, with the business and everything, and as a person of course".

Robert laughed at Aaron's complete inability to speak, though couldn't laugh too much as he felt exactly the same way.

"Yeah, Vic's told me a lot about you as well, can't keep her nose out can she? Typical Vic, eh! Yeah, I, erm, I came back from France about a month ago, just opened a new office down Middlemarch... I, I heard you have a boyfriend, you're moving in with him, that's er, that's great!"

Not even Robert was convinced by the fake happiness in his voice.

Aaron remained silent, unsure what to say. He had the urge to lie, to tell Robert they were split up; perhaps it wasn't so much a lie, because his heart wasn't with Jake, it was with the posh twat standing in front of him.

"Erm, yeah, er, what about you? You got a lad on the go- or a woman of course, you got one of them? Vic hasn't said anything."

"No, I've, I've had a few relationships but none of them have worked out, there's always been something missing, you know", and Robert made it very clear what was missing by the way he was looking at Aaron.

Aaron was staring right back. God, his eyes were so beautiful.

"I know", Aaron replied, in a trance, not even aware of what he was saying.

They just stood there for what seemed like forever, lost in each other's eyes, wanting to make a move but neither willing to take the first step.

Aaron's phone rang, shattering their idyll.

It was Jake.

That didn't matter to Aaron.

Nobody did.

Only Robert.

He rejected the call.

"Erm, I should probably get going, I've got a meeting in an hour and I need to prepare".

Aaron's heart ached; now he'd seen Robert again after all this time, he knew he couldn't let him go. Not this time. He'd been a fool once, made the biggest mistake of his life, he wouldn't be making that mistake twice.

"Yeah, of course. Um, would you like to meet up sometime? Seein' as you're in the area and all; I can give you my number?"

Robert smiled, that vulnerable, genuine smile he'd always reserved for Aaron.

"I'd like that, a lot."

-

Aaron went for the pint.

-

The guests were arriving, and Aaron was making his big entrance. Jake had insisted he wear a suit, after all you only get one moving-in party, right?

"You look beautiful tonight, Aaron."

If he could just close his eyes, he could hear his voice.

_My beautiful husband who I love._

He faked a smile, hoping Jake would buy it, even if he didn't.

Looking at Jake, he felt nothing, he hadn't for a long time he realised. He felt more for Robert in their brief encounter than he had for Jake in their entire relationship.

 _I think we've both proved we're rubbish without each other_.

How had it taken so long for Aaron to realise? It would always be Robert, until the day he died.

"Ready to see our adoring crowd?"

Aaron couldn't breathe, there was no way he could face the crowd. He didn't want to, not with Jake; he didn't want to live with Jake; he didn't want to go anywhere with Jake.

He needed to get out, before his thoughts destroyed him.

"Mate, I can't do this, I thought this was what I wanted but I was wrong. You have a good party with your mates, I'll just... I'll go out. I'm really sorry I asked you to move in, it wasn't fair on you. I... I just don't love you. I'm sorry. You're a good guy."

He walked off before Jake had the chance to answer.

-

Jake would call him all night, but it wouldn't matter.

He was with Robert, where he should've been every day for the past 5 years.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and fic in general inspired by "The Way I Loved You" by Taylor Swift.


End file.
